Rantings of A Bitter Man

"O" Face

Caught in the act-

Our Ollie Willis

"Fat, stupid, and universally despised is no way to go through life, son. Especially if you have beady eyes and a little piggy snout for a nose."- Dean Wormer, Animal House

I've returned- in order to deliver a well-earned heap of hawt, sexy ridicule to someone who richly deserves all the enmity he attracts from around the 'sphere. This ludicrous dicknozzle posted that he would prefer if al-Qaeda had crashed jets into the Meadowlands rather than the WTC- exactly like what his body-double, Michael Moore, felt about 9/11. Football is just a game, you pig-nosed retard.

I'm talking about the sniveling pudgeball known as Steven Crager- the stupidly-monickered "Lord Spatula".

7. Lord Spatula, King And Tyrant (Heh- Ed.)

Salary: $33 | PF: 4 | EPP: 10 | OM: google
The undisputed master of the Shite Club play, Lord Spatula is ready to kick your moonbat ass (as soon as you fork out for airfare to Dallas, navigate your way past security at his gated compound, then figure out how to convince the Sherriff's deputies that you should be released on your own recognizance). Plus, he's an awesome dad. - AP

Lord of what, exactly- a lifetime of solitary wasting of Kleenex and hand lotion?

Anyway, I've decided to have a little fun at the expense of this flabby, pockmarked loser...so sit back and enjoy!

Apparently, I earned Count Fatula's unintentionally hilarious ire by down-rating his silly football posts- which he made in a desperate, hit-whoring plea for attention- over at Misha's, after they were all but ignored at his own sad little blog. So after yanking his chain a little when the Eagles humiliated the CowPies in their own house, he began his stint as my new Dancing Monkey.

Lard Lad is the kind of thin-skinned crybaby who will post an insult towards you, then redact or delete your reply- very sporting of him, no? He'd fit right in at HuffPo or Kos with that stuff, I think. Of course, if you've ever observed this gibbering gasbag in his own environs, you'll know of his embarrassing penchant for ~~man-tit~~ chest-thumping, and his eerily autistic chanting of the phrase "come say it to my face"- which gave rise to one of the funniest things ever on the whole wide interweb...

The "Reverend" Incident.

To sum it up, The Pudgeball responded to an invitation to back his mouth up with a pointless invite of his own. Then when it was suggested to meet halfway, Pudgy The Whale backed down.

PWN3D!!!1!!THIRTEEN!1!!

There's one more issue I have with our Cheeto®-caked, spittle-flecked Dancing Monkey- that is the galling use of his child on the front page of his blog, as a slap against his ex-wife. As he himself has put it out there for public consumption, it's fair game for commentary. You have to wonder why a guy is not allowed to give his own kid Christmas presents in person, and custodial restrictions are the obvious thing to come to mind as an explanation. My question is what Piggly Wiggly did to be cut off- is it his obvious difficulties in handling anger, and expressing himself, or is he a kiddy diddler? A Britney Spears Parenting School graduate? A little of the ol' glug-glug, vroom-vroom, thump-thump?

Using your kid as a weapon against your ex- on your blog- definitely puts you in the running for Internet Dad Of The Year™, you pathetic sack of cookie dough.

That brings me to a metacommentary on the whole "Count Fatula" persona- you don't have to be Masters and Johnson to figure this one out, as all the signs are there;

1) Apparent craving for male physical contact even if in the form of a beating

2) Obvious inability to relate healthily to women

3) Constant use of homoerotic imagery

4) Regular use of various epithets for 'homosexual' as insults

My layman's opinion?

Latent Compulsive Cockgobbling, and/or Nutsnuggler Syndrome. Neither one of which has any known treatments or cures.

Honestly- I've never encountered someone more likely to mellow out if he were only able to own up to his insatiable appetite for dick.

Chow down, Spats- I hear they're low-calorie!

UPDATE, 1/16/08, 0025hrs...

It appears I've struck a nerve, as our tubby lil' buddy has banned me from commenting at his site. Oh well- I guess someone else will have to tell him he has a new T-shirt!

B-dee B-dee B-dee, That's All, Folks!

Hmmmm.

So I'm sure there are plenty of people who have given up- who would rather not continue to fight, struggle, or whatever defines their lives. Some of them kill themselves, some don't, because for whatever reason they can't bring themselves to.

Sometimes I wonder, when something happens like a tour bus plumetting over a cliff, if there are any of those people on board, and if they feel relief. Are they horrified at that final moment, or are they finally free? I know that's an awful thing to think about, but I can't help but wonder. How would I feel if I looked up and saw a 747 about to land on my head- relieved, or remorseful for even envisioning such an easy escape? On my way home this morning from another misadventure, I saw some homeless mental-patients sitting outside Sisters of Mercy shelter smoking their cigarettes...and I envied their apparent oblivion.

Yeah, my depression is particularly monolithic today.

Yeah, that's worse than normal.

(The) New (Left's) Math

While doing some algebraic calculations in order to determine the potential size of a building I was looking at, I had an insight into the mind of a liberal- apparently, it's all simple math.

For example- the Angry Left's fascination with Hitler comparisons can be mathematically explained as follows:

The Hitlerian Property of Equality

1. Money = the root of all evil

2. Hitler = evil

3. Joooos = money

4. Joooos = evil

5. Jooos = Hitler

Isn't that easy? And as simple as that is, you'd think they'd be happier!

Drive-By Posting

So I've been enjoying other things in lieu of blogging...

First there was Katie.

Now there's Sarah, who while being altogether hotter than Katie, does not like guns. So instead of combining a little "me" time with some "us" time, I'm spending free time with her and stealing time to get proficient on the new weapons platform.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

However, it has been amusing watching Toad Kennedy, the Chappaquiddick Chauffeur, applying the very same "Lithmus Test" he accused the President of using to determine his pick.

How to stay out of power indeed.

Rantings of A Bitter Man

About Me

Recent Stuff

Old Stuff

2.16.2008

"O" Face

1.14.2008

Our Ollie Willis

3.27.2006

Hmmmm.

1.23.2006

(The) New (Left's) Math

1.14.2006

Drive-By Posting